au reVoir

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

is it true that i just can let it go cuz i hd hold it before,
im not sure,
whether or not that i used to hv a grip on it...
im just not sure about it
but nw i know that it is not easy for me to let it go just like that,
even i know that things changed nw, not the same as it used to be,
but its not as if i can love it yesterday and let it go the next day,
i would do that if i could
but it does not work that way.....

i just about to give out my name,
but suddenly it just slipped away,
i wonder why does it let me go....
maybe i just dont know how to treat it right or it just me who feels like this....
maybe i always make it feels uneasy being around me...
or maybe im just too hard...
only The One know how fond i am to it...only He knows
i desperately want to know why but i just dont have the courage to know,
maybe on one fine day when im ready, i will discover the reasons why.....

im not holding any grudges...
Mad? im not mad...
Upset? yeah..maybe.....
but the dissapointment just keep tolling in my head....

i wasted too much time whining and crying over this thing....
WHY? WHY? WHY?
im shattered.....
i guess i need time to collect the pieces back.....(in rehab)
but in a meanwhile..when im in My Rehab...
dont expect me to act cool when im not feeling cool bout it...(i always do these awkward faces and gestures)

hope things will get better for all of us...
if it really want to go....it will go...it just a matter of time...
i will let it go someday, when all the hope is gone...
and if im not good for it, then whats the point of holding on to it...
ill damage it, i dont want to do that to my loved one....
sometimes we thought that it is good for us, and we want it so bad that we do everything and anything to have it...
but He knows what is best for its own creation, after all He is the one who made it....

thanks to it...
without it,
i never had a chance to have the feeling that i myself cant explained...
and why i like it soo muchosssss, i cant explained that either....
i believe,
things happened for a reason...

now,
it maybe started to forget things about me...
things that i used to tell...
maybe im just too painful to be remembered....
i dont know....

now,
what i can do is be acceptable, be relevance..
and just held my head up high and soar.....
i know that there are so many people out there who suffers more than i do..

but GOD!
only He knows how i feel....
i cant eat, i cant breath, i cant sleep...
it is not like i dont want to do it,
but i just cant!!! i cant!!!
its like my physiology hd changed or something....
my metabolism gone wrong....
i might sound so dramatic (and pathetic)...
But,
dont prejudge me if u never lost anyone u loved....
the feeling is so odd...its bitter....
but i guess....above all this,
i can still keep the memories though...and make some more....
i love every moment of being with it....and im still enjoying its company..
it is the one who always there when im in need..Why it??...maybe im the one who always asked for its favor...

i never thought this would happened in reality....to me especially...
i just thought this is the imagination of some overjoyed writers who loves to make up stories..
who wants to make bucks by selling their novels and movies... but it happened...
in real life....
to me....
i guess they did their research well enough.....


Life....
it is full of suprises...
it is bitter sweet...

It,
it sparks my life a bit...
even it sparkles already....but it sparkles moreeeeeeeeee...

let the time heals,
let me be wiser in times......

let it be happyyyyyyy...
sometimes u cant always owned what u like...
if by letting it go,it will be happy,
ill promise ill let it go with open heart when the times comes and when the MOCKING BIRD starts to sing again...

"Jgn menganggap bahawa segala kesusahan yang diturunkan di dunia ini sebagai Allah sedang menzalimi kita, tiada zat Allah yang menzalimi hambaNya"